You know her as April, I know her as... April, and that's just the beginning. She mingles with the star's at the Sundance Film Festival and name drops like Dennis Miller at a Saturday Night Live Reunion. She is a world famous model, or at least her petite frame has circled the world through posters and well, the internet. She has posed artistically for the who's who of sculptors, painters, and artisans. She commands looks from bass players of the largest punk rock bands and I'm sure this is only what she tells me. The uncounted events of fraternizing with the A-lister's is a secret only April will know and I will remain forever envious.

Her latest escapade with an up and coming super-star has April once again ahead of the rest of us mortals. She has the uncanny ability not to just meet the distinguished but instead, instantly bond, exchange life dreams, and become life partners (not in the gay way). You may have heard of Kerli, the super hot, Euro-glam goth, musician who made a wicked splash at this year's Spike Scream Awards? If not, your not with it enough to know or to keep reading.  Or just watch this clip (30 Seconds of Kerli) and we'll pretend your as hip as one of Paris's Bff's.



April met Kerli at a local venue, sprinkled her with bonding magic and the relationship is eternal. I once met, and acted a full scene with the 80's rap phenom, Tone Loc of Funky Cold Medina and Wild Thing fame. Do you think he remembers a skinny white boy from Utah who tried to speak sincerely to Mr. Loc without letting his wondering eye's spend too much time between the firm cleavage line of Tone's freakin hot Oakland Raider's cheerleader girlfriend? The answer is no. He doesn't remember me, because I don't have bonding magic. If I did, I would have used it on Mr. Loc's girlfriend.

This elevated lifestyle my sister leads she handles with dignity, grace, and humility. Her casual references to rockstar run-in's and famous actor brush-by's are thrown in with conversations about unicorns, grandma, and raw food, making listeners believe these famous affiliations are not just common but almost non-eventful. Maybe it's an attraction quality that magnetizes stars together? Whatever it is, April has it and to be with or around her is to be in the presence of nobility, majesty, or Narnia.

The following pics of my sister sharing a new found kinship with Kerli hurts on many levels. Jealousy is obvious, but the fact that I was invited to attend this pre-Halloween concert and intuitively turned down the offer may give you a glimpse into just how much bonding magic I lack. April, my dear sister, may you take me under your wing, may you guide me through the ways of attracting the exhaulted, and may you be my A-list gravitation sage. Wow, that sounds like to much work, instead, I'll watch and admire. Carry on my famous sister. Let us all admire your charisma, rock-star appeal, and entourage enchantment skills. We can only dream.